The Gift of Losing Control
Have you ever sat up straight or collapsed on the floor in utter frustration? You tried your best but nothing worked. A situation or behavior is beyond you. No more options. All avenues closed.
“Darn! Ding dong! Shoot! Dang it!” Why won’t that person listen? Why did the circumstances end this way? Why didn’t my ideas, my suggestions, my plans work? What will it take to get across to this person?
I’ve been there dozens of times in my life–maybe hundreds. Until I woke up to the fact that I, Karen, can’t cure, control, or capture anyone’s choices and behaviors except my own.
It has taken nearly a lifetime to get that at a visceral level. I realized it intellectually. But still I wanted to at least try to get another person to act in a way that seemed reasonable, loving, helpful and sensible–according to ME!
Then one day I sat up, this time not in frustration but in jubilation. I suddenly saw that losing control (something I never really had in the first place) is actually a GIFT. No longer do I have to hang around the edges of another person’s life, hoping and wishing he or she would get a clue about how to live. It’s embarrassing to admit it but it’s true.
Now I can make decisions for myself without apologizing for them or imposing them on someone else. I can respect their ability to do the same for themselves without feeling a desire to give them my two cents worth unless asked.
With 2020 almost behind us, I rejoice in my new commitment to simply give thanks for the people, places, and things in my life–however they show up, and to now practice minding my own business while sharing the only thing that really matters–LOVE.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
1 Corinthians 16:14
Oh, what a special word for today’s world! We all identify with the frustrations you describe.
It is so freeing to “Let go and let God”. As some one has said .
When my sons left for Alaska in their early 20’s , I had to decide if I was going to leave them in God’s hand or worry every day ! I decided God loved them more than I ever could. That gave me peace!
A beautiful reminder that God is always in charge. Thanks, Etta Mae.
I won’t say why, but I can’t even express how this hits home this week. I’m glad to know that it took you many years to get to this place too! It’s so hard to watch a family member make repeated bad choices that won’t lead to anything good. I’m so grateful to have a loving God in whose hands I can place these dear people. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d EVER be able to truly let go.
Thanks, Kristi. How wonderful to hear from you. I appreciate knowing my words held meaning for you.
Ah! Karen. You have said it yet again! Thank you. I can only change myself…… not another who is close to me and very loved. Each one of us has to be responsible for our own choices and journey through life. We all grow and change our selves at different speeds and ways. Just BEing accepting and loving and supportive is our job!
Bless you for your insights and for sharing them with us. I love you dear friend. ❤️🙏🏻❤️
Thank you, Kathleen. I appreciate your continued support. Much love. ❤️
You are right. It sometimes takes awhile to fully realize that we really don’t control anything and that’s it’s often detrimental to one’s health to try! At times it has been so easy for me to say that I’d put that persons “file” back in God’s filing cabinet, where it belonged. I can hear myself saying, “she’s yours God,” only to find that I’d taken the “file” back in the hopes I could change her! Alas, that delusion still rears its ugly head once in a while – until something alerts me and I give up the notion that I can fix her. There are always lessons for me to learn- even at 71!!! Thanks for the reminder, Karen!!
Thanks, Glenda. At 82 I’m still learning too. Richard Rohr says it takes a lifetime. Amen to that.
Oh my what a timely message. One near and dear to me has made disastrous decisions over many years. These last few months have been a culmination of poor decisions.
This person had been given a second chance at life. But seems to ignore that.
My three daughters and my newly wed husband are by my side. Not to mention the good Lord who has taken my right hand and has never let go.
Thank you again so much for this timely blog.
Thanks, Joan. I love hearing from you and knowing that you have your family by your side during this trying time with someone near and dear to you.
Deference to website author, some fantastic entropy. Kaile Yardley Lowndes
So meditation/calmness/expect the unexpected/say predicament outloud etc. Might help decision process. Kaycee Gustavus Lauryn
As soon as I noticed this web site I went on reddit to share some of the love with them. Maren Reider Upshaw