Ouch!
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”
Photo by Chris J. Davis on Unsplash
Do you remember hearing this little rhyme when you were a kid? I do. I think it was my mom or dad’s way of helping me cope when someone bullied me. However, I don’t recall any comfort from it. I wanted to shout back, “Sticks and stone may break my bones but words can also hurt me.” Because it was true. I didn’t like being told I was too short or too shy or too slow or too–whatever.
This didn’t happen often–but often enough that some of those memories are still with me, like the time in fifth grade when students played “Crack the Whip,” and I, the last one to hold on, lost my grip and ended up being hurled into the street resulting in a head injury, after which I was rushed to the hospital for stitches in my scalp–which added to the humiliation because I couldn’t wash my hair for a week.
During our current time of racial slurs, over-the-top criticism for everything from political preferences to religious loyalties to the style of your hair or your choice of reading material or clothing or opinion about the food you choose, we seem to be a nation that is throwing sticks and stones at an unprecedented rate and with a high dose of hatred thrown into the mix.
And you bet, it hurts, and it hurts a lot! I received four big doses last week from someone who tackled my writing head-on, criticizing my books and then taking on the task of educating me on how to present my work in a better way.
To the first attack, I responded the way I usually do when a reader contacts me. I thanked the person for offering his/her opinion for me to consider and wishing the person well. I have not replied to the three that followed the initial one. When I saw the trap being laid, I decided to step around it.
But it was a good reminder to me to think before I speak, to pause before I respond to someone, and to keep in mind that ‘words’ poorly chosen cannot be taken back–even with an apology.
In the words of the elegant American poet, Emily Dickinson:
“A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day.”
And it may live on in the heart and mind of the one to whom it is spoken. May we follow the reminder from Scripture:
“A person’s words can be life-giving water;
words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.”
Proverbs 18:4
This why I have learned to say ” I hope to be part of the solution -not part of the problem. Using surprise and humor is a great way to handle such stuff. As a lead facilitator for the Alternatives to Violence Project, I learned how to fight fair in 5 easy steps!
I love hearing this, Chloe. When we model the teachings of Jesus, we’re on the right track always.
Oh! Dearest friend do not despair as that dear one who “attacked” you is unwell socially, emotionally and personally. Best to ignore, bypass, leave alone! We have met family and so called friends who have taken us in and then attacked us to our core! Bless them and pray for them. You are a good, honest, loving, faithful and very kind dear one. Bless you. Give it to the Lord to ease the trouble and go forth in love as you do. We love you. We support you. You give SO much encouragement to us. Thank you 🙏 ❤️
Thanks for your loving words, Kathleen.
Hi Karen, it’s amazing how memories as a child still hold sway on us as adults! Thanks for a great blog!
Thanks, Simon. It was wonderful to reconnect with you by phone. Take care. Love to you and Trish.
Well said Karen!. Too many people speak before they should. As a child I had a head full of bright auburn “finger curls”. One day when I was about 6 years old, a boy yelled across the playground’ “Hey! you with the wig on!” I am 90 years old and I can still see him standing there . Of course, It did not continue to hurt me all my life, but I never forgot it. I love your qoutations . Great choices!! Thanks Karen.
Thanks, Etta Mae. Amazing how the past comes and goes. I remember a time a boy smashed a bug that had landed on my back as we walked home from school. Then he laughed and ran away. Of course I got over it but it’s a good reminder that kindness rules, not cruelty.
Very meaningful, Karen. I’m so sorry for the person who gave you “what for”. Your writing is clear, concise and interesting and I am blessed to call you friend. Shows the power of words – the one thing we can never take back after they have left our mouths. Doesn’t scripture say we are to be slow to speak and quick to listen?
Bless you, my friend.
Yes, good reminder of the ‘slow to speak and quick to listen’ verse. Thanks, Carol.
You my dear friend and mentor are a gift to me and to humanity. Your writing, your beautiful heart, your willingness to always learn, your insights, wisdom , and your amazing ability to inspire others with your words will live on forever. You continue to inspire me and thousands of others with your words and who you are. Love you.
Sandy
Thank you so much, Sandy. You are a dear and supportive friend.
Dear Karen, I cannot imagine anyone trying to “educate you” on how to write books?!? If it didn’t hurt so bad it would be funny and wonder if the ‘person’ has ever read one of your books or is just jealous? OF COURSE it is not for us to judge. I feel so bad for you and sorry for the person who tried to “teach you”. A long, LONG time ago I wondered about the saying as even tho our bodies will heal, sometimes our heart hurts for a much longer time so I never did think this ‘saying’ was appropriate. It may take you a while to get over the ‘pain of feeling hurt’ but I know YOU well enough that in time you will just be thankful you know none of the things ‘they’ said are true. You will be in my prayers and my heart.
Much love, Margaret
Thank you, Margaret. I appreciate every kind word you wrote. And of course I appreciate you. And by the way I am enjoying the second half of your memoir. What a great life you’ve had and still have.
I can not believe someone would criticize your work, to me you are brilliant and with so much love for the Lord and all of us. You have great insight into life and love. If I do not like someones writing I just avoid reading their work and move on. So take joy in knowing you are writing for those that love you and the Lord.
Thank you, Lynn. I appreciate your encouragement.😊
“Oh how spoken and printed words can prick
when they are published with a stick.” BRC
I’m so sorry someone used words to prick you Karen.
Your words have always blessed me.
(Virtual Hug🤗)
Smiles, BRC
Thanks, Beth, for your warm words of encouragement. I hope all is well with you and your writing.
Thank you.
Smiles, BRC
My mom’s saying has stuck with me for years and it’s; Make your words soft and sweet, because some day you may have to eat them. I try to remember that before I say something, but sometimes I end up with my foot in my mouth.😪
Thanks for this bit of humor, Judi. I needed it! 🙂
Perhaps the critics are envious. Keep writing, I love your books and newsletter. I will lift the critics up in prayer. Old saying I have
always heard, kill’em with kindness.
God bless you
I like this saying too. Thanks for your support.
I love looking through an article that can make people think. Also, thanks for allowing for me to comment. Jo-Anne Friedrick Bertrando