Molly, my sister and I fell out,
And what do you think it was all about?
She loved coffee and I loved tea,
And that was the reason we couldn’t agree.

(nursery rhyme)

How silly is this? And how like people all over the world for all time. We make mountains out of molehills, as the cliché goes. We often create our own challenges by making big things small and small things bigger than they are. We forget, often as we grow older, that we don’t have to agree with others and they don’t have to agree with us. Differences needn’t lead to division or conflict. They can simply be.

I found this out for the umpteenth time when I attended a convention in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The attendees, over 1800 in total, took up the three major ballrooms. It was a great opportunity to ‘people watch,’ something I love to do.

By the time we broke for lunch, I had met and talked with a huge number of men and women and learned so much about their lives, backgrounds, goals, and dreams. It was an awesome experience.

​The room was filled to capacity with people from 42 countries and every state in the Union. There were personalities ranging from the playful type that loved to interject a bit of humor into our round-table discussion to the take-charge man who kept trying to return our group to the topic assigned.

And of course there were the peaceful people, who smiled and went along with the majority, as well as the ones who liked flexing their power muscles, though no one assigned them the task!

You Know the Types

Think about the personalities in your life—and your own, for that matter. The president of your bridge club would rather lead than follow, do things his way instead of risking someone else’s mistakes.

A spouse or friend likes to plan projects and activities so they’re completed correctly––the first time. But you’re the casual type, making decisions at the last minute depending on how you feel.

​And then there are adult children or friends who dodge unpleasant conversations because they prefer to avoid conflict.

Have you ever looked at life with a big sigh, wishing you had a better understanding of why people, yourself included, behave the way they do? Relationships may seem like a giant puzzle with so many pieces to fit together you don’t even know where to start. Maybe it would help to take a gander at the big picture first. See what it could look like. I found that as I began to understand myself it was easier to understand others and what makes them tick. Here’s what I learned that changed for the better all of my relationships, especially as I’ve grown older.

It’s (Not) All Greek

The study of the personalities, however, did start with the experience of Greek physician Hippocrates, one of the outstanding figures in the history of medicine, who lived during the Age of Pericles. He divided the types he noticed into four groups based on his medical observations and findings. The Sanguine and Choleric personality types tend to be sociable, comfortable in a crowd, and even preferring to stand out.

The Melancholy and Phlegmatic types are reserved, even shy, and often feel anxious about being around too many people at once, and especially do not like to be singled out. Of course no one is just one type. We all have a little of each. If you want to learn more about the history and science of the personalities you can find a wealth of info online.

Updating Hippocrates’ Findings

Over the years many individuals, including Christian author and speaker Florence Littauer in her Personality Plus training and in her books, have given the four types a ‘modern’ look.

​The PLAYFUL Personality stands out as the bright flower in the puzzle. Playfuls (Sanguines) love to get things going—whether a party or a picnic. They don’t wait around for people to make friends with them. They walk right up to men, women, and children and start a conversation. They always have a great idea and they’re full of encouraging words, wanting everyone to have a good time whether at home or at work.

​The POWERFUL Personality types are what you might call the square corners of the puzzle. They generally don’t discuss options with others. Why? Because they prefer to lead than follow, motivating people to take action, controlling plans and productivity, and calling out quick and clear instructions so everyone within earshot can’t miss the immediate gain. On the up side, however, Powerfuls (Cholerics) provide structure and boundaries for an organization and for a household.

The PERFECT Personality types frame the puzzle. They make up the straight edges. When it comes to details, details, and more details, these men and women are the ‘perfect’ choice. They raise their hands for any tasks related to finances, are alert to the needs of others, and keep their attention on co-workers and family members regarding long-range goals of spending and saving wisely to avoid going on a bender and getting into debt. Perfects have to check themselves because they can be critical in their desire to keep things efficient and economical and they are the ideal example of having a place for everything and putting everything in its place. On the flip side they are also sincere and sensitive people who appreciate being appreciated!

The PEACEFUL personality types cover the landscape of the puzzle. If you need a support team at work or a listening friend to help you bear a burden, you’ll find these traits in this personality. Such individuals find the middle ground despite chaos and confusion. The Peacefuls (Phlegmatics) are sometimes undisciplined because of their devotion to peace and quiet, and they may have a hard time making decisions, but they present a balanced point of view that brings people together in even the most stressful situation.

So what became of Molly and her sister? They took a look at the personality types and decided that coffee and tea were hardly worth fighting about. After all, they could sit at the same table and enjoy the beverage of their individual choice and end with a hug. They were ‘sisters’ after all.