In Our End is Our Beginning
As I care for my husband whose journey is taking him down the road of Stage 4 cancer I am realizing the importance of silence. Not an easy thing for me–a communicator both in writing and in speaking. But now that we’ve said about all there is to say to each other–all the important stuff we wanted to say before he dies, it’s time for me to focus on loving touch instead of filling the scary space with more words. So in the time remaining I’m going to give Charles kisses on the cheek, warm hugs, loving strokes and gentle pats on the back, and a hand to hold.
We can’t change what’s happening to him but we can face it together in gentle ways and I’m to take the lead. I know that.
So this year, perhaps the final of our 35 together, I want to be present in a way that words cannot match, and to pay attention to my journey in a way that will support Charles down to the last breath.
Here is a bit of wisdom from one of my favorite spiritual mentors, Father Richard Rohr, director of the Center for Action and Contemplation.
“From birth through the development of ego, the fall that can drop us into the ‘second half of life,’ the descent through suffering and grief, ever evolving us toward greater awareness of our True Self, and eventually death–we are moving toward union with God and all that is . . . if we can remember that we all came from God and are headed back to God, whatever circuitous route we take, I think it will help us be more humble and patient with each other.”
That is my goal for 2015. What is yours?
Beth, thanks for your kind words and prayers. The support of friends is so strengthening. And you are certainly among my friends.
I have been down the path you are on. More than 15 years ago my husband slowly approached the end of his life. He would often say he was looking forward to being with the Lord, but did not want to leave me. I remember telling him that in heaven there is no “time” so the time between when he gets there and I join him will be “no time at all”.
Now I think of him enjoying the presence of the Lord and that gives me joy!. My prayers are with you and your husband on your journey!!.
Etta Mae, thank you for sharing this encouraging story of your own experience. I will treasure it and share it with Charles.
Karen, what you wrote is so touching. You are such a wonderful, warm, sensitive, loving person. I would want you to be at my side when it’s time for me to go. Charles is so lucky to have you by his side, caring and just being you. Love you. I am available to you when you need me.
Thank you, Roz. What loving words you shared. They are humbling to read. I appreciate your being available. I will be sure to call on you when the need arises. I love you too, my friend.
Karen, how lucky Charles is to have such a loving wife as you are. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you during this journey.
Many thanks, Mary, for understanding my journey–not unlike one you’ve traveled before.
My sweet Jesus in heaven, here my plea, in your precious and matchless name I pray for comfort for my friend, colleague, and mentor throughout this year as she brings comfort to her loving husband Charles. Lord, it breaks my heart to hear of eminent departure this life. Lord you see my tears as I think and pray for them. Lord I pray for a peaceful passing when you come for his spirit. Give Karen the strength to go through this time in her life. Lord surround them in your love, peace, and knowledge of what is to come to a time when we all must lay down this Earthly vessel. Lord, I thank you SO much for putting Karen into my life as a friend and mentor. I’m enriched because of it. Thank you Lord. In your previous name, amen.
What a beautiful prayer, Jim. Thank you for your intercession for both Charles and me.
Hi Karen, Your words are so beautifully written with such grace and unselfishness. Charles is blessed to have you as his loving partner. You inspire me.
Thank you, Pam. How lovely to hear from you. I appreciate your friendship and your caring words.