Hands Off Other People’s Everything
A woman with lovely blue eyes, graying hair, and expressive hands set up a tent card on the conference table and then another and another, each one with a printed slogan. I was attending a support group meeting and I was eager to listen to others and to share my concerns too.
One particular slogan caught my attention and has stuck with me all these years: “Hands off other people’s everything.” Such a bold and direct statement. What did that really mean? Was I supposed to let my loved ones sink or swim when I might have words or actions that could help them? Yep! That was the point, as I was soon to find out.
courtesy of unsplash
In other words, keeping my hands off is a sign of respect, trusting God, not myself, to lead people in the way they should go. But in our culture there are ‘boundary crashers’ at every turn. Parents steering their children against their will, friends telling friends what is best for their lives, some clergy giving advice for right living as though they had divine wisdom.
We trample lines in the sand; we knock over stop signs; we open doors that say, in effect, ‘Do Not Enter.’ And then we wonder why our advice, our terrific ideas, our suggestions are unwelcome and why those we love and want to be with turn the other way or even walk away—sometimes for good. It can take a lifetime to learn the wisdom of ‘hands off,’ but when we do, what freedom there is for ourselves as well as for others.
I read recently that the great writer Oswald Chambers discovered a colleague was stealing from him but instead of confronting the man, Chambers prayed, trusting God to take care of it. Suddenly one day the man came to Chambers and admitted his theft. Chambers had taken his hands off the situation and God did the convicting. After reading about this event I realized how often I try to accomplish what only God can.
“ … for each one should carry their own load” (Galatians 6:5).
Knowing who we are in Christ––our strengths as well as our limitations––helps us to love, care about, and nurture ourselves without falling apart. We won’t overstep, overtake, or overdo. We’ll give out of our fullness, instead of out of our ego. That means we can say yes or no to requests and opportunities without feeling guilty or overwhelmed. Imagine the freedom!
Karen, It is amazing that this particular blog should come to me today. I just called a friend (who has no computer or iPhone) and read it to her. We had talked this morning about a problem that her son was having and she wanted to help , but felt compelled not to do anything unless he asked for help. I assured her that God was big enough to take care of the situation. Then came your message today. It was like the Lord was underlining our discussion through your words. Thank you!!!
So wonderful to hear this, Etta Mae. Thank you.
Over the years, I try to remind myself that all of us have “files” in God’s filing cabinet- and when I take out some else’s file in an effort to “fix” them, God gently reminds me to put the file back in His file cabinet so He can deal with the issue! Unlike computers these days, “file-sharing” with God rarely works. Gods’s plans and His wisdom are perfect — and for that, I am grateful!
I love what you shared here, Glenda. Thanks for this excellent reminder.
“We’ll give out of our fullness, instead of out of our ego.”
So wise you are, Karen.
Thanks, Heidi. We’re on the same page for sure.
Sometimes it’s a hard balance when we want to “rescue” someone we love. And yet, we can’t do that. You’re right that only God is the one who can change an individual. I’m trying to get better at taking my hands off and being careful not to intrude, but to be available when help is asked for. Thank you!
Sometimes it is difficult to know the difference between supporting and taking over but it’s worth paying attention to that. I imagine we’re all challenged at times. Thanks, Carol.
I was struck with this realization about myself this weekend when I made a comment to my grown niece about a decision she had recently made, one which I felt was very foolish and I told her so. I was later convicted by the Holy Spirit as to the error in judgment I made in as you say “not keeping my hands off”! I called her and apologized, admitting it was really none of my business. I surprised her with my call and she was very appreciative. Moving forward I will strive to remember that God has enough for me in carrying my own load and not butting in to “help” others with theirs (especially when I am not asked!) With 5 adult children, this is not always easy! Thanks for your story ♥
Thank you, Carrie. You remind all of us that we are human and vulnerable and we can always apologize if we go too far with people we love.
I am reminded of words of wisdom given to me by Barbara Roulier — I was to “Stay in my Lane”. It was not my job to run others races or fix them. I could help them if they fell, steady them back onto their feet – but then get out of their lane and let them run. Wish I could say I followed that advise all the time….
I love these words of wisdom from Barbara. Thanks for passing them on.
Great one, Karen. It is difficult sometimes to keep our mouth closed when we see someone we love going in the wrong direction. I do a lot of praying and realize my own actions speak a lot louder than my words.I don’t remember who I heard say this but I remember it well: “When we point our finger at someone else remember we have three fingers pointing at ourselves.
Thanks Karen! By the way, today I celebrated my 94th birthday! God is good! Love you, Margaret
Happy Birthday, Margaret. I had you on my birthday list but couldn’t locate your email address. Please email it to me. Thank you for this lovely reminder of the ‘saying’ you shared.
Thank You Karen for this great message. I sometimes have a way for sticking my foot into my mouth! I need to remember to step back and let God do the changing when it comes to my grown sons! God bless you and please keep the wisdom coming! Hugs, Cindy
Thank you, Cindy, for your lovely message and encouragement. May we all ‘mind our own business,’ as the saying goes.