‘Big Girl Pants’
courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Last week I banged into an old belief that I haven’t thought about for a long time. I started to believe once again that I can’t make financial decisions without a partner–namely a husband. Or if forced to make one I need to consult another wiser adult, maybe my son-in-law or my neighbor or a solid friend who has a better grasp of money matters than I do. But is that really true? I wondered. My old TV was dying and I didn’t feel like nursing it along. At the same time I felt stuck when it came to purchasing a new model. I know it sounds crazy but that’s how my mind worked. I worried that because I’m an older woman a salesperson might take advantage of me, try to sell me something I don’t need, yada yada. The more I thought about it, the more I believed it. I asked my son-in-law to go with me and he agreed.
I stewed over this for a few days before calling him to make an appointment. Then on the spur of the moment I told a friend at the gym about my ridiculous fear. But was it really ridiculous or was it based on some experience from the past? The more I thought the more I remembered that from the time I was a little girl all the way into my 50s my father had instilled in me (perhaps without meaning to) that I needed a man to guide me in such situations. Even after my husband and I bought our condo my father said he was concerned that we couldn’t make the payments! We were 55 and 65 years old at the time and both working. Where did this come from? Perhaps from Dad’s past growing up in poverty during the Depression.
But now I see that those subtle and not so subtle statements and so many more like them were woven into the fabric of my mind.
I said to my friend, “I’m afraid I might make a mistake, pay too much, or be sold something I don’t really want or can afford.”
She looked at me and without hesitation said with a big smile, “Karen, no one could ever take advantage of you.”
You think? Wow! I suddenly knew she was right. It was time to face that belief, to break it, and toss it. So immediately after our exercise class I put on my ‘big girl pants’ and drove to Best Buy and purchased a new smart TV to be installed this week and it is what I want and what I can afford and the salesperson was one of the nicest men I’ve ever dealt with.
So much for old worn-out beliefs running my life. Who knows what I might do next–crazy or not!
Please tell me I’m not alone. Have you ever come up against a ridiculous belief that you finally had to put out to pasture?
My issue is with driving long distances and always wanting Dan to be there to go with me. Well, not to a mostly all women’s Aglow Retreat! So off to Oakhurst,CA I went in my little blue car. I did take a friend and she shared the driving with me. This driving challenge is something I have to keep saying YES to.
I don’t want my life possibilities to shrink around me and so I aim to be courageous. By the grace of God I have stepped out into some real scary places, like public speaking and I have seen how My God really shows up!
This is great, Lynn. Certainly your stepping out and speaking in public is a courageous move. But now that I have been in your audience a few times, I agree. God has shown up. You are very effective.
Karen, you’re not alone. Shortly after Norm died, I was given bad advice from a financial guy. After that, I became overly cautious. Our abilities are often judged by our gray hair. When this happens I bravely inform them the rest of me is not gray but colorful and quite capable. I guess it’s human nature, but not quite fair to us elders who remain self-sufficient. My advice? Let God handle our lives – it makes it so much easier. “Please God, handle this – I can’t.” It works for me. I thank him for parking spots, for getting me through a thunder storm when I’m out, all the little things that make up our daily lives.
Hang in there – you can do anything, with His help. I’m sure you already know this. (BTW, did you ever read my memoir?)
Best,
Marie
Hi Marie. Thanks for the great example from your life and for your kind reminder. I read your first book but not yet the most recent. But it is on my list of books to read!
Oh Karen, thank you for your honesty!!! Truly. And no, you are not alone! And now that I’ve read this blog, I realize I’m not alone in these ungrounded fears either.
Thanks for your company, Kristi! 🙂
Good for you, Karen. And, like so many others, I can identify.
Yeah! Another friend who understands. Thank you, Janet.
Oh yes, me too . I am smiling and applauding. What is it the young people say? “You go girl.”
Thanks, Etta Mae. I love that phrase, “You go, girl!” I will keep that in mind.
Karen, you are not alone on this: It seems like everything I attempt to do I feel like asking my children to go with me. Yet they have different taste then I do. Or perhaps, they make me feel like I am a child. There has been several things, I have stepped out and tackled by my self. And each time, I feel stronger for doing it on my own! I think we all are more alike then we think. And for sure we are much stronger than men think we are! This was a good read. Thank you for it.
Thanks, Mary. What a good report on your own experience of stepping out.
Good for you Karen. Not only did you deal with a nice salesperson and make a good decision … you followed up today by phone to rectify some of the problems you had. You DID it!! Good for you.
Thanks, Carol. Yes, I am feeling very much like a ‘big girl.’
Dear Karen, loved your reading.
After growing up an unwanted peasant girl raised by my resentful, illiterate but brilliant brained grandmother, who had a pair of three-inch bound feet but hardest working and the fiercest survivor and the most resourceful pillar of the family in hard times of China, I learned to do everything myself. To make long story short, living in America today, I do pretty much everything myself, purchasing furniture, negotiating my condo home buying, and, filing my yearly taxes myself, and I spent not a penny on my divorce – filed the paper myself down in the court house and went through the whole procedure (it was painful to go though divorce …) and, I even do my home repairing myself: caulking, painting, even do the roofing myself …
“What an abnormal dog-stubborn spirit!” my grandmother yelling at me as a child still rings in my ears … well, in a way, she was right …
Thanks for inspiring me to tell my story. Jing
Jing, I am inspired by how much you have conquered in your life. I have yet to caulk or repair my roof so you are well ahead of me there. 🙂
I appreciated your comments and can identify with you. I have been amazed, however, at the wonderful people that the Lord has provided to guide me in financial decisions, etc.Although I went alone to the financial planner, God went ahead of me and prepared a thoughtful and trustworthy person to guide me in a complex process. My new journey as a widow has been a combination of doing hard things on my own and knowing when to ask for help–always with the awareness that God is in control.
This is so inspiring, Pam. You’re right. We’re never really alone when it comes to making decisions and choices, as long as we lean on God and partner with him.
Yes Karen they affect me too and I decided on my 50th birthday last year to lead those ridiculous crippling beliefs to pasture and turn them loose.
Others can think what they will. I am trusting God to lead me and to let me know when I need to turn to others for assistance.
Thanks for your transparency and example of courage.
Smiles, BRC
Good for you, Beth. You started much earlier in life than I did when it comes to stepping out. I applaud you!
Good for you!! I agree that “no one is going to take advantage of you”!! I guess I was fortunate because my husband decided I should know how to pay bills, etc, so he started a household account at the bank in my name and let me take care of it. I learned a lot, kept a record of everything I spent and it sure did come in handy when he asked for a divorce a few years later. I found strength thru prayer and did not let him take advantage of me during the divorce and I knew how much it took to run a household so I knew what to ask for!! I have a ‘stubborn’ streak (one of my college prof. said I had the “good” kind of stubborness~ha) so I was determined to not let him take advantage of me. I learned that when you HAVE to do it yourself you can!
You are proof of that!! Keep it up, and don’t let anyone take advantage of you-I would hate to be someone that would try!!! smile! > Living alone for eight years before I met “wonderful Herb” at church I was forced into making decisions-some good, some bad, but I learned from the bad. YOU, however, I firmly believe will not make BAD decisions so keep on “keeping on” ! Blessings and I am so proud of you and your new TV!! Margaret
Thanks so much, Margaret. You are a great example. I agree with you that once we put our minds to something and lean on God for guidance, we can do most anything. And it’s a good feeling to reach a long-held goal.