Welcoming the Unexpected
The day Grandpa Ennis came to live with my family was one of the happiest days of my young life. My grandmothers and Grandpa O’Connor had all gone home to God long before I was born so the only grandparent I knew was my mother’s father. He had the softest chuckle, the sweetest smile, and the kindest words of anyone I knew. I also loved to listen to his Irish brogue!
And the sparkle in his blue eyes let me know that I was welcome whenever I stopped by his bedroom to chat or to see what he was reading. What I most remember about him is his ability to find the humor in any situation. He truly ‘laughed all the way’ through life and people who knew him couldn’t help but join in.
He enjoyed telling stories from his childhood in Ireland as much as I enjoyed listening to them. I dreamed of visiting Dublin, the city of his birth, one day. And finally I did in 2012, long after Grandpa had gone to heaven.
A New Kind of Family
Joshua Coleman at unsplash.com
Grandpa’s move to our house was my introduction to living in the mix, a mix of traditional ‘mom, dad, and kids’ family life to one that included someone from the former generation. Back in the day, grandparents moved in with their kids and grandkids when they grew old. Today, many seniors move to a retirement community or a nursing home far from family when the time comes.
Because of Grandpa I met lots of older people—his bowling buddy, the man he attended the horse races with, and friends from church. Before long I thought of them as my friends too.
Doing What Came Naturally
As an adult my perspective on family has expanded well beyond the borders I once knew. I was divorced, remarried, and am now a widow—stations of life I never planned or expected and some not wanted. My extended family includes a gay step-daughter and her partner, my son and his wife from Japan, a divorced daughter and her male friend, a sister who was once a nun married to a former priest, and a sister married to an Italian native and living in Italy, ’adopted’ grandchildren whose biological grandparents have died, and at one time a Kurdish refugee family who referred to my husband and me as their American grandparents.
It wasn’t easy to expand my borders. I didn’t believe in divorce and yet there I was divorced from my first husband. I didn’t want to share my neat little life with my second husband’s children and yet there I was, doing just that. I didn’t like the idea of my youngest sister settling in Italy so far from our family and yet there she is—across the ocean from us for over thirty years.
Life goes on. People make choices. Stuff happens. We either go with the flow, trusting God to take care of what we can’t control, or we resist and lose relationships that just might help us grow.
I decided to grow. How about you? What challenges have you faced with people who entered your life in an unexpected way?
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
When I was a kid I had my life all planned out. I’d decided on the name of my future husband and children -three girls and one boy-, and imagined the floor plan of the house we’d live in. Instead I had one daughter and three foster sons with special needs and none of my family members had the names I’d decided on as a kid. I never had a house like the one I’d designed, either.
Thanks, Janet, for sharing these unexpected situations in your life. I can see the truth of the bible verse: “You may make your plans, but God directs your actions.” (Holman Christian Standard Bible Proverbs 16:9) And his ways are always better than our ways–even if at first they may seem difficult.
Oh my life does have it’s surprises.
I have a blended family by way of divorce. Not John and I but by our daughters and grand children who have made all sorts of choices. John and I have loved them all and I now try to keep the communication open. Somedays a real challenge.
Thanks, Joan, for sharing one more thing we have in common.
I too was married, divorced, had a wonderful second husband and now a widow. I wanted four children two years apart, I had two children six years apart. Was a “stay at home wife and stay at home Mom until after the divorce. Forced into the working world, learned that I was a pretty smart woman and fit in a lot of places and my minister appointed me to be the counselor to the young people in the church. I actually asked him did he really want a divorced woman to be the counselor? His response was: “Yes, Mam, I think you would be the best!
That started the “ball rolling”. The Highschool band director asked me to be the chaperon for the band on a trip to Disney and to go to the band camps with them. I learned there were a lot of things I could do. God sure fooled me by helping me to be someone that I never dreamed I could be and I just thank HIM over and over. I know it was God who guided me all the way. I am thankful I had enough “sense” to listen to HIM. I even had a full time job with the Kentucky State Government before I moved to Florida to meet my ‘new’ husband. Then God led both of us to do volunter work at the church and that bacame our “life” which was filled with more friends, love and responsibility than I can imagine even now.
Instead of my Grandpa living with ‘us’ I am the Grandmother that lives with a daughter and son-in-law! They are awesome. Their twin daughters always loved for me to visit and one of them was still living at home for several months after I moved in! They have shown me a lot of love and now they are enjoying listening to MY stories regarding my early life during the depression and WWII. In fact my married granddaughters husband enjoys the stories the most!
Thanks, Karen, for sharing. I too have grown a LOT and I am am so blessed with a clear “mind” ( most of the time- smile ~ a good sense of humor goes a long way) and am trying to grow even more. I “let” God guide me and I just hope and pray I have the ability to really listen to Him and Follow His directions. My favorite quote: “Wisdom comes from listening”.
Love to you, my Friend. Margaret
Thanks for this great ‘share,’ Margaret. Have you considered or maybe you’ve already done it, written down some of your early life memories and given the document as a gift to your children and grandchildren? I wrote down 35 pages of my memories from birth to my children’s early lives and gave the writing to my three kids for Christmas last year. It felt so good to write all this down and to give my children a better understanding of who their mother is and what made me the person I am today.
For sure God has placed Dan and I in a different family than I had planned and wanted. At this time in my life just turning 70, I found out how many friends have become my family and my cup runs over with love. Thank YOU God for loving me through so many precious people!
Hi L:ynn: Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. It means a lot to me.
This blog entry was wonderful. I love the descriptions in your unexpected extended family. WOW!! You are a living example of how to embrace it all, even what we don’t expect or the unwanted circumstances. I can honestly say that my life has not gone as planned either. When I stopped resisting what “was,” I was able to embrace what “is.” As it says in our extended version of the Serenity Prayer”…taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.” Right?
Thank you for your wonderful memories of your Irish grandfather!
love, Heidi
Thanks, Heidi. It seems we all have a lot in common when it comes to our lives taking different directions than we anticipated or maybe even wanted. But when we surrender to God’s leading instead of our own, the surprises are always full of grace and growth.
Karen, what a meaningful blog. Your grandfather Ennis sounds like a lovely man and I too would have loved listening to his brogue.
I too was widowed and am remarried, stepmother to adult children, something I never expected; I left a controlling ministry with a battered immune system and needed to recover. But like you, I’ve experienced God’s grace in and through it all and am grateful for the growth along the way.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Carol. I love what you said about being grateful for the growth and grace you’ve received through all the ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns of life. I too, am grateful where all of this has brought me.